‘why did you do that?’

a girl I used to know told her boyfriend
‘if you don’t propose we’re breaking up’
they got married last month

I feel so disconnected

I want to find love without dressing it in white
and losing forty thousand dollars on trinkets and tablecloths
I want to keep that love away from boring dinner parties
where all the couples smile and nod
off, and no one, absolutely no one else is hungover
and hiding bloody elbows from falling into a ditch

I haven’t done that in a while,
by the way

above: me vs ditch, circa 2012

love, terribly

love knocked on my door once
then let itself right in
it dirtied the dishes and opened the blinds
never caring if it kept me up all night
or if it shook me awake in the morning.
it talked through movies (that I never
got to pick), left the trash overflowing
with tissues and was either late coming home
or never showed up at all

and then one day, it left without even saying goodbye

get a dog

whenever i mention my dog, people get this urge
to explain why they don’t have a dog, too
like i’m the dog police

i’m too busy
i don’t like walking
i won’t have time til i retire
i golf with my husband every weekend
we have white carpets

they need a dog owner to confirm that their life circumstances
are just too complicated for a shedding source
of unconditional love

I just nod anyways cos i’m not
getting into an argument
with themselves


yesterday she said
‘I told the girls I have a Brazilian down there
– but not by choice.
chemo is a great way to lose your body hair
and it only takes two weeks!’
our laughter boomed into the hallway

today, she was unresponsive
13 people rushed into her room as her husband
was rushed out
his love creased face crumbled to the ground
his pain echoing down the hallway